It's Official: They're a Couple

Floyd Mayweather Jr. and 50 Cent are now officially a couple. As if the ignorant and aurally uncomfortable love fest wasn't already apparent during their countless man love professions on HBO programming, now 50 Cent is accompanying his boyfriend to court appearances. Yeah, cause normal "friends" do this huh? Did Lindsay Lohan's scissor sister Paris Hilton ever stand by her side during any of her 1,034,958 court appearances? I sure doubt it.

Quick recap: Floyd has been in jail, what, like 10 days now? Yet, he's already complained about his health deteriorating, not getting enough time to work out, and being malnutritioned by his "lack" of enough food to cater to his calorie intake. So let me get this straight, you're being treated exactly like millions of other prisoners except you'll actually be able to continue in your profession when you're released? Without having to clear a background check for even the most minimalistic jobs; such as: fry cook at McDonalds, elementary school janitor, night shift at Walmart.

Hey Floyd, go fuck yourself. Oh, and don't worry, boxing is officially dead anyways. You can thank Bob Arum for his "pre-fight rematch clause" between Tim Bradley and Manny. The good news is I'm sure your inaudibly loud mouth uncle probably has a spot for you on his training staff.

Too Soon?

World War Z

So 4 years ago Brad Pitt's production company, Plan B, outbid Leonardo DiCaprio's production company, Appian Way, for the screen rights to a book called World War Z. Yeah, Pitt and DiCaprio were fighting to OWN this movie. Oh, and the "Z", it stands for ZOMBIE.

Yup, I have a boner the size of Rhode Island and Sarah's panties are as wet as Lake Superior right now. The reported budget for World War Z is a whopping $125 MILLION. To give you a sense of comparison, the previous highest budgeted "Zombie movie" was Dawn of the Dead at only $28 million.

We have awhile to wait though, the film is scheduled to release December 21st . . . . 2012.



Bonus Point: Bryan Cranston (from Breaking Bad) has a role in the film as well.

CDC's Plan for Zombie Outbreak: Not Very Good

So, apparently the Center for Disease Control has FINALLY decided to take the inevitable zombie apocalypse seriously. However, they're plan for defense is absolutely terrible.

CDC official statement:
"If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It's likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated."

Uhhh, yeah, I think I'll take my chances with a couple backpacks full of weapons while I wait for CDC's tests to conclude we're all going to die. Thanks, but no thanks.

Kevin's a Girl!???

Real life "Up" house.

I Know What She'll Be For Halloween

This is Supatra Sasupha (try saying that 5 times, fast), she has a seriously messed up chromosome somewhere in her DNA that left her with a really rare disease called Ambras Syndrome. The disease causes the carrier to grow really thick hair everywhere.

On the bright side, while money is wasted on razors and scissors all year long, even more money is saved on Halloween costumes. I REALLY hope she's a Star Wars fan, cause she's a dead ringer for Chewbacca.

Ironically, or not, this was the 666th post on our blog. It's a sign, hairy werewolf girls are going to take over

Electricity Thief: FAIL.

Cody Wilkins here lost power in his house. He was also planning to go rob his 10th house in a month. So naturally he brought his cell phone and charger along with him. Only problem is when the homeowner walked in on him, Cody jumped out of a window, leaving his cell phone behind. Way to go genius.

Uygulama

Biz uygulama bahsediyorsun?
Translation:
"We talkin' about practice?"

Gone but not forgotten. Allen Iverson will be plying his trade in Turkey next year. Better brush up on your Turkish, AI.

Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, You're Kinda Cool....

and fuck you, I'm out!

Aside from Julio quitting his job flipping burgers in Half Baked, this guy had the second best departure from a place of employment, ever.

Since obviously there is no video footage of the wonderful incident, allow this picture of Steven Slater to suffice.

Slater, a veteran flight attendant of 20 years, finally had enough when a rude and defiant passenger stood up to removed his baggage as their plane had just landed. Slater approached the man and explained he needed to remain seated until it was clear. The man refused and swung his back out of the overhead compartment, striking Slater in the face. When Slater asked for an apology, the man refused and instead began cursing at Slater. This is where it gets good.

Slater retreated and ran for the public address intercom and proceeded to curse the man out. However, that wasn't enough, Slater then released the emergency evacuation door handle and activated the inflatable slide. And in perhaps the most intuitively genius maneuver, Slater grabbed a beer from the beverage cart as he exited. He then ran to the employee parking lot and drove away.

Congratulations Mr. Slater, you may not be able to pay rent next month but at least you stood up for what you believed in. And hey, maybe the authorities will let this one slide.

Finder's credit: Tui the Good Somoan

Goodbye Scranton, Hello Hollywood

This just in:
Steve Carell to step away from The Office.
Dunder Mifflin will try to survive, but it's ultimate demise is inevitable.

Raining Oil

Definitely unsettling. All those "Don't Pollute" signs are rendered useless.

Damn Preppies, Stealing My Internets!

You can have Pearl Harbor Japan, we got the internets. So ha!

So some random, useless group called Akamai Technologies decided to waste a whole lot of time to figure out where the fastest internets are. Good news America. The first three exits off the information super highway are in the grand 'ol U S and A.

Those three spots are Berkeley, California (average speed: 18.7Mbps), Chapel Hill, North Carolina (average speed: 17.5Mbps), and Stanford, California (average speed: 17.0Mbps). A closer look at those hotspots, along with number 8 on the list: Durham, North Carolina (average speed: 13.6Mbps), has led me to conclude that these private school yuppies possess an extensive knowledge of maximizing hyper speed internet connections. Either that or they're too busy experimenting with prescription drugs and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon beer rather than clogging up the interweb connection.

FYI: Chapel Hill and Durham are home to the University of North Carolina and Duke University, respectively.

Conan Going Cable

Conan O'brien is coming back to late night TV. However, contrary to prior 'insider' reports, Conan will be plying his trade on the TBS network rather than the FOX network.

Conan tweeted: "The good news: I will be doing a show on TBS starting in November! The bad news: I'll be playing Rudy on the all new Cosby Show."

I know where I'll be Friday November, 5th while I'm getting plastered celebrating the final birthday in my 20's, as I sob clinging on to my youthfulness as it quickly slips away from my aging, flabbing body....right in front of my TV, chuckling out whimpery, tear ridden laughs.

But in the meantime, Conan will be touring America in his live comedy show aptly titled Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour. The tour starts this week.

Cyberwar

Technology has progressed exponentially within the last 10 years and it has become the most useful thing to man to date. It's amazing how society has adapted--with the convenience it offers, it's hard not to succumb. While technology is widely viewed as something beneficial, others abuse it. People intentionally corrupting data or hacking into programs. This is no news--we've all experienced it; you know, viruses that have caused our computers to crash? Somebody had to have made 'em. Anyway, this is happening in a much extreme matter; while it's no surprise that government files are constantly being hacked into, you wouldn't expect anyone or anything to successfully get through all the security and monitoring that's being done 24/7. As mentioned earlier, however, progress happens within a blink of an eye. Recently, Pentagon was hacked into where several terabytes of data and top secret files were stolen. It's a bit unsettling, especially when this is the very weapon that others will use to advance.

Here's an article regarding what US may face in the near future regarding this matter

Elian Gonzalez Update

If you were trapped in a closet for all of April, 2000 then get updated here.

Before:

After:

Full updated story available here

Moscow Bombed By Crazy Women

"Black Widows" have struck again in Russia. Two Muslim women, widowed by their husbands who died fighting against the Russians, laced up the suicide bombs and took out a busy Moscow train yesterday. I know, America probably wont care but the rest of the world seems to be taking notice, since this isn't the first time these kinds crazy brainwashed women have struck.

Here is some amateur raw footage shot immediately after the bombing by a passenger being forced to exit a neighboring train.


Link supplied by: Rico, the king of the interwebs

Live With It, America

In a country that takes tabs every time Paris Hilton takes a shit or Britney Spears goes crazy again it's amazing how badly we overreact to innocent, harmless things.

Today Joe Biden introduced President Barack Obama at the press conference following the signing of the new healthcare reform. After the introduction, Biden embraced President Obama and the microphone accidentally caught Biden stating, "this is a big fucking deal." Obama laughed it off and went on with his speech. However, America is overreacting and making a big fucking deal about it. News flash: Biden is right, this IS a big fucking deal, and the word "fucking" exists for moments like today. Get over it Republicans, you guys had your chance with the country for the past 8 years and look where we are now.

You have to listen closely, mainly because it wasn't that obvious.

Inmates to have Immigration Status Checked

Oh really? JUST NOW they're starting to do this? Wait, so back in 1994 when California introduced the "three strikes your out" law, they didn't think to start checking immigration status? Or wait, when California started going into bankruptcy and the geniuses decided to start making public school and state college budget cuts absolutely no one in the state's government thought it would be wise to check the immigration status of the inmates that our tax dollars pay to house and feed? Oh I get it, no one thought it would eliminate a huge handful of occupants by deporting them back to their home countries. Or, as usual, government officials wanted to avoid any touchy subject that would seem "racist" or "politically incorrect". Got it.

Thanks California, morons.

Link to the LA Times article.

Winter Olympics: The one for Fake Sports

The winter olympics are full of a bunch of "sports" that don't even qualify as anything athletic in my book. Unlike the summer olympics, a lot of the winter olympic competitors don't actually have to do things like run or jump or swim. They just lay there, literally. The luge and bobsled events for example, you simply lay on a sled or in a rocket spaceship looking bubble.

Key in Nodar Kumaritashvili (don't worry, you're not supposed to know how to pronounce his name). Nodar is from Georgia. No, not the state with all the peaches; the small country that used to be part of the old Solviet Union. Nothing really comes from Georgia, unless you count Zaza Pachulia (Atlanta Hawks Basketball player) as something.

Nodar went to Vancouver for the winter olympics as the 44th ranked luger. He wasn't going to win anything, he knew that. I don't think he really cared though. After all, his "sport" consists of wearing super skin tight spandex suits and a spaceman helmet then laying flat on his back atop a sled that looks like a giant ice skate. He was pretty much just going for the experience. Then he died.

During a practice run on a course that even experience lugers have deemed scary, Nodar lost control and dislodged from his sled. He flew through the air at 88 miles per hour. Eventually crashing his body into support beams that lined the outside of the ice track. He was rushed away in an ambulance but died upon arriving at the trauma center.

Never mind the cheesey, and ill timed, accompanying song.

Hammered

We all own the most useful tool known to man called hammers. Sure you can use any blunt objects to pound your precious nails into your wood, but why would you? Hammers are just made to get the job done. With it you can make furniture, hang picture frames, strike your mom in the head....

Yeah that last one is pretty brutal, but apparently, here in San Diego it's the weapon of choice.

I saw this probably a couple of days ago; shown back to back. Normally I try not to pay attention to these local murders, but what caught my attention was their methods and to whom they used their methods. Both used what I previously praised as the most useful tool known to man and used it to end their precious mothers' lives.

Bryan Chenhua Chang: Solana Beach, 28 years old.

Heather D'Aoust: Scripps Ranch, 16 years old.

Pretty depressing stuff. I could never do that to my mumsy no matter how much she may anger me at times. Isn't this appropriate for Mother's Day? I'll make sure to remind you ahl when the day comes. In the meantime, tell your mothers you love 'em.